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Welcome to the Burnt Food Museum!

Celebrating Nearly Three Smokin’ Decades
of Culinary Disaster

As seen on:

The Food Network‘s “Unwrapped”   •   ABC’s “The View”
NPR’s “Weekend Edition”   •   “Splendid Table”  • The Annals of Improbable Research
 Join Our Facebook Fan Page

(Above) Recently discovered slideshow from a BFM gift-shop photoshoot! And oops – a couple pre-burnt offerings snuck in – and a valentine (!) … but what’s cooking without a few unexpected treasures in the pan?

(Above) On the shelf for years, we recently pulled out this old “Visit to the Burnt Food Museum” and added some updated footage – specifcally as regards the myseterious disappearance of the mini-muffin exhibit.

Exhibits

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Don’t Try This if You’re Not from California

Artist: Jonathan Wyner

Curator’s Notes: I am from California. My Ex-, Jonathan, is not. That is why I am able to heat tortillas on an open gas flame. This is his attempt to overcome an East Coast heritage.  

Hi-Resolution Image  for the Press

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Sweet Potato Geod

Artist: Deborah Henson-Conant

Curator’s Notes: No comment 

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Before & After: Whole Wheat

Artist: Deborah Henson-Conant

Curator’s Notes: The muse of the culinarily overzealous, food suffers silently thoughout the most rigorous ministrations. This exhibit dramatically illustrates the extent to which food must suffer for our art.

One look at the size of the the toast AFTER it has undergone it’s MBF transformation shows just how much the toast itself has put into that most awesome metamorphosis. Let’s hear it for the effort of the art itself, not just the artist!

The Soy Pups spoke to me of man’s eternal inhumanity to man. I wept, I smiled, I had heart palpitations. (S. – 4/9/03)

—o0o—

Deborah, You are a goddess. Just saw your work on the Food Network and you warmed the cockles of my heart (whatever those are). Growing up, my mom burnt everything. I had no idea how cool that was until tonight. You have healed my soul, thank you. Keep up the fine work. (K.C. – 10/1/02)

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This Gyoza’s Too Far

Artist: Benjamin Wyner

Curator’s Notes: (Insets)

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Chalapeña, Mon Amour

Artist: Adam Zand

Curator’s Notes: No comment … at present

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A Study in Pizza Toast

Artist: Deborah Henson-Conant

Curator’s Notes:

Beautifully displayed behind glass, the “Study in Pizza Toast” is a striking psychological study in the results of ill-placed domestication: in this study, the curator was attempting to “act like a housewife,” cooking for a boyfriend she actually wanted to break up with. But could she admit that to herself? If she’d analyzed her pizza toast, it would have been obvious!!

The “Study” is a moving reminder of how profoundly any culinary endeavor reveals the true inner desires of the chef. Note how the melencholy carbonized cheese recalls the the empty ghost of a passionless union.

“Study in Pizza Toast” is a beautiful, multi-color exhibit, including not only various striking shades of grey and black, but a splash of true tomato red, representing that even in the oven of our discontent, the possibility of true love – that ‘real tomato’ – still remains.

CURATOR’S UPDATE 2010: Alas, only 4 of the original 6 pizza toasts remain. Love dies slowly. Art is ephemeral. Pizza Toast is not forever.

CURATOR’S UPDATE 2020: Did I say 4 of the original 6 remain? Alas, Pizza Toast is no more. There is a time for everything. And also a time when everything isn’t anymore. Pizza Toast has met that time. Farewell P.T.!

It really strikes a note as, in grade school when they asked what peoples mothers did for a hobby, I said “My mom burns pots.” I think I am one of the privileged few to witness their mom in safety glasses using a metal stripper to whack burnt gunk off a pot! (MB – 6/23/03)

—o0o—

How can we submit something to your museum? This morning we awoke to very strong “burnt” smell in the house. When we got down to the kitchen we noticed that the microwave door was open, and there was plastic stuck to the bottom of the turntable. We questioned our 14-year-old son concerning this. It seems that last night he attempted to make Kraft macaroni and cheese as a late-night snack. The charred remains were in his room as he attempted to hide the fact. Never mind he couldn’t have possibly hidden the tell-tale smell. Is there a possibility of submitting such an item to you? (S.B.)

[Editor’s note: see The “Kruncheroni & Cheese Exhibit]

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Honey, I Found It!

Artist: Jeanne K. Diefendorf
Submitted by John M. Diefendorf

Curator’s Notes: T

he Diefendorf’s Musem Submission form tells it all:
Location:
The Diefendorf Research Labs in San Bernadino, CA.
Original Intention: S
afe, clean storage.
Unintended Result:
Unsafe, unclean storage.
Artist Comment:
“A masterpiece… You can’t make this stuff up!”

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Chorizo de la Verdad

Artist: Univision Presenter

Curator’s Notes: A lovely lady came to the Burnt Food Museum from Univision, interviewed the staff, videotaped the exhibits and left this spectacular specimen. We can’t remember her name.

Hi-Resolution Image for the Press

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Kruncheroni ‘n Cheese

Artist: David Beno
Submitted by Susan & Jack Beno

Curator’s Notes: We received this email:

How can we submit something to your museum? This morning we awoke to very strong “burnt” smell in the house. When we got down to the kitchen we noticed that the microwave door was open, and there was plastic stuck to the bottom of the turntable. We questioned our 14-year-old son concerning this. It seems that last night he attempted to make Kraft macaroni and cheese as a late-night snack. The charred remains were in his room as he attempted to hide the fact. Never mind he couldn’t have possibly hidden the tell-tale smell. Is there a possibility of submitting such an item to you?’ (S.& J.B.)

Kruncheroni Aerial View (above)

Oblique View (above)
Bottoms up! Kruncheroni from below (above)

—o0o—

“I thought you might enjoy one of mine – alas, no pictures exist, though. I put a turkey into the oven on ultra-low (low temp overnight is my usual way of doing this, makes it very tender and moist) and promptly went into early labor. I spent six days in the hospital flat on my back until they got it stopped, was sent home with orders to stay in bed until I was supposed to have the baby, and walked in to find what appeared to be a perfect (though blackened) paper-maiche’ model of a roast turkey, still cooking away.

When we tried to throw it out it was perfectly mummified and crumbled to the touch. Even the bones, which appeared to be modeled out of a crumbly powder-like substance, possibly cornstarch. We decided that this piece would have more artistic meaning if it was of an ephemeral nature, and threw it out. (S. 7/29/03)

—o0o—

[And on that same theme…]

“Attached is evidence of what happens when the thermometer you are using with your deep-fryer malfunctions. Apparently, cooking turkey at a bazillion degrees is not recommended.” (D.O. – 7/17/03)

 [(Link to evidence to come, as we update this site – this is red so we can remember the link is missing) please note Editor’s advisory: I was kind of a vegetarian before I saw this photo – now I’m REALLY one!]

—o0o—

And people thought I was nuts when I displayed 6 chile peppers that I put on the grill to roast, drank 3 beers after a LONG day at work, layed down…well I’m sure you can guess the rest… I had them for about 2 years and believe it or not, I threw them away just last week… I had them on the counter with an ear of corn, shaped like a foot … That, and a potato shaped like a heart …But the peppers are (were) my favorite. (DW – 10/13/02)

—o0o—

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The Slow Burn
A Lemon Spontaneously Combusts

Artist: Deborah Henson-Conant

Curator’s Notes: 

There are many museum pieces that are the result of human error: a serendipitous carelessness, sleepiness or absentmindedness of their contributors. But there are others which, there is reason to believe, became exhibits through the carelessness, sleepiness or absentmindedness of the food itself. Or were they trying to send a message?

This originally luscious lemon (center, at left) allegedly got lost for several months, with the result you see in the photo. Was the lemon truly lost, or did it purposely commit this act of selfless artistry in order to prove a point? We’ll never know. But we can still appreciate the brilliance of this citrus swami in pointing out, through art, that we are ALL slowly burning.

Nityananda Lemonzest.

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Free-Standing Hot Apple Cider
aka Hot Apple Cinder

Artist: Deborah Henson-Conant

Curator’s Notes:

A chilly night, a pot of cider brewing slowly on the stove, an unexpected phone call, a long conversation and the Burnt Food Museum was born.

When the curtain of thick, black smoke finally cleared in the kitchen, I discovered this amazing gem, the Free-Standing Hot Apple Cider, inside the completely blacked pot. Thus began my fascination with the beauty of burnt food and the stories behind each piece.

Hi-Resolution Image for the Press

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Potato – Before & After

aka “Thrice Baked Potato in the throes of  ‘Compare & Despair'”

Artist: Deborah Henson-Conant

Curator’s Notes: No comment at present

—o0o—

Dear Ms. (oh rats, forgot, I’m sorry, be right back) Henson-Conant,

Thank you SO much for providing us inept chefs and their offspring with the Museum of Burnt Food website. Oh to have had a camera at the ready when my mother prepared venison jerky…and took a long nap.

You’ve brought back wonderful memories of my dear departed mother and her vivid attempts at culinary uh…feats? The time she boiled a giant pot of cranberries (how DID she get the white ceiling turned red you ask? I have no clue but I remember we had to repaint). The time she made a fish chowder so bad even the cats wouldn’t eat it … I hope one day to be able to add my own inept contribution to your museum.  Thank you, (S.S. – 3/30/03)

—o0o—

I recently did $10,000 worth of damage to our kitchen making a round of Soy Taquitos (the oil splattered, the smoke alarm didn’t go off!…no one was hurt!). Do you have T-Shirts? (anonymous – 10/3/02) 

—o0o—

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But, is he Jewish?

A Gift of the Benveniste Carbon Dating Service

Curator’s Notes: 

This beautifully preserved specimen tells it all: a beloved food, object of gustatory desire, placed in the oven with the best of intentions — and yet, as so often happens, preoccupation with life’s ephemera leaves the beloved alone, neglected, ultimately its heart (and in this case everything else as well) turned hard as stone.

p.s. Thanks Aunty Elaine and Uncle Leon … and no, I’m still not married.

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Dark Rye … Very Dark

Artist: Deborah Henson-Conant

Curator’s Notes:

I just forgot.  Everything. 

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The Ganson Waffles

Artist: Arthur Ganson
Ganson’s Other Artwork

Curator’s Notes: The Ganson Waffles are an especially exciting exhibit for the BFM because they don’t look burnt – yet they are! We attribute this fact to Ganson’s decades of artistic inquiry, keen eye, and a profound mastery of the mechanical universe. It’s no wonder Ganson is an award-winning sculptor — (note his website above). Clearly, his mastery begins in the kitchen.

—o0o—

What a surprise to have on the “Food Network” last night, and discover the hysterically funny piece on the Museum of Burnt Food! We had been told that we should watch “Everone/Everbody? Loves Raymond”, as we have never seen it……and needed to know what all the fuss was about……WELL…. The show started out with such canned laugher, (YUK) that we opted instead to proceed to our old standby, “The Food Network”……only to find ourselves really laughing with your segment.

 But perhaps the best for me, was…….that you are the person who performs at a good many of our “non-burnt” dinner parties. I adore your “Budapest” CD, which I have had a couple years!!! What a wonderful coincidence. And the long colorful “locks” you adorned in the television piece, are really wonderful. Different from the look on your CD, certainly. (S.C.- 10/1/02)

—o0o—

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Mmmmmm … Soy Pups!

Artist: Deborah Henson-Conant

Curator’s Notes: Occasionally food technology and cooking technology are at odds.

When the age-old art of barbequing hot-dogs came face-to-face with the burgeoning technology of soy hot dogs, art was born! Though we’ve heard that modern-day Soy Pups stay disappointingly edible when barbequed, the original variety turned immediately to rock-hard objets d’art after only minutes on the grill. This exhibit is a beautiful example of old and new technology combining with unexpected results.

OF NOTE: Many people encounter a similar phenomenon when loading new software on ancient computers. See “Museum of Burnt Computers” (as soon as someone creates it.)

The aritst wishes to thank Stan Gill for the inspirational backyard Bar-B-Que that spawned this piece.

 

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Forever Shrimp-Kebab

Courtesy of Inventor & Artist Chris Fitch
To Artist’s Other Works

Curator’s Notes: 

This stunning exhibit appeared on our doorstep with no explanation, just a card saying:

“Compliments of Fitch, Fitch, Fitch, Fitch and Fitch.”

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Sunkist & Beyond

Artist: Deborah Henson-Conant

Curator’s Notes: This striking study in natural contrast is a sad reminder of of the tragic results of neglect.

—o0o—

Last night I boiled water for tea in my small T-Fal Pot, I then got involved in a sewing project. I started to smell something burning and thought I had overheated the sewing machine. I shut the machine, but still smelled the burning and remembered my tea water. The pot was ruined and I boiled water in my microwave. This morning, on my way to the trash can with the pot, I remembered I had seen the Burnt Food Museum on the television show Unwrapped. I was wondering if you accept exhibits, and if you would be interested in my pot. (M.R. – 12/1/02) [Editor’s Note: that very pot sits on our shelf now]

—o0o—

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Baklava

Artist: Unknown

Curator’s Notes: A jewel in the Burnt Food crown. 

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Petrified Tate Tots

Artist: Anonymous

Curator’s Notes: 

These lovely Tater Tots aren’t actually Anonymous, we just forgot who sent them. Life’s little gifts sometimes come from unexpected places. Other times we just forget where they came from.

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Thrice Baked Potato

Artist: Deborah Henson-Conant

Curator’s Notes:

The general procedure with ovens is to extract the food after it has been cooked. But occasionally a specimen blends so perfectly with the internal oven environment, that it remains there through several cookings. In yet other cases, even a culinary expert may forget to count the number of pieces entered into the oven – and take out fewer than were originally put in.

This creates the perfect environment for an exhibit such as “thrice baked potato”.

 

—o0o—

 

I saw your segment on Unwrapped this week. I haven’t laughed that hard in a loooong time. Brilliant. It made me wish I was a bad cook, so I could contribute an installation to the museum. Although now that I think of it, I do tend to burn cookies. Hmmm. You might be hearing from me soon. Take care, (J – 10/2/02)

—o0o—

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Waffle in the Round

Artist: Unknown

Curator’s Notes: This stunning exhibit exhibits the thrill of seeing a great performance in the round.

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Deep Fried Disaster

Artist: Dorothy Owen

Curator’s Notes: 

No Comment

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King Tut’s Tomato

Artist: Deborah Henson-Conant

Curator’s Notes:

Here’s a beautiful example of a vegetable that was very possibly a victim of past-life regression. In an isolated spot for several months, this originally hearty tomato spontaneously underwent a process similar to mummification, with the stunning results that you see at left. Could it truly have garnished King Tut’s plate in another lifetime?

—o0o—

I just saw the segment on “Unwrapped” on FoodTV about your museum. I was THRILLED to see the “free-standing apple cider” because I DID THE SAME THING several years ago. By the time I noticed the smoke coming out of the kitchen, the pot was bone dry. It looked just like yours — a black, evil-looking, porous rock! I feel so much better — I’m not the only person who made a stovetop meteorite out of apple cider. But mine would not come out of the pot. I tried everything to clean it, even chipped at it with a chisel, and finally ended up throwing the pot out. But now I see I should have hung it on the wall and considered it an achievement in food art. Great idea. (L in SF – 1/27/03)

—o0o—

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Hot Apple Cinder, Opus II

Artist: Gary Dryfoos

Curator’s Notes: A gift of the Gary Dryfoos Foundation for Somnulent Cuisine Research (a.k.a. Foundation for Research on the Ability to Cook While Sleeping), this stunning opus presents a museum favorite, yet another “Hot Apple Cinder,” but this time in its natural habitat.

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Just Set it on the Burner for a Sec, Hon…

Artist: Stephen Powell

Curator’s Notes:  One of the subtler exhibits in the museum, the beauty of this piece is in the delicate “trailers” at the base. Set on a hot burner, this plastic decanter originally was completely fused to the steel burner thingy that goes over the flame. As the fused work of art was lifted into the air, the burner thingy slowly, exquisitely descended from the decanter, creating the beautiful streamers of plastic you now see in the picture.

 

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The Slow Burn

A Lemon Spontaneously Combusts

Artist: Deborah Henson-Conant

Curator’s Notes:

There are many museum pieces that are the result of human error: a serendipitous carelessness, sleepiness or absentmindedness of their contributors. But there are others which, there is reason to believe, became exhibits through the carelessness, sleepiness or absentmindedness of the food itself. Or were they trying to send a message?

This originally luscious lemon (center, at left) allegedly got lost for several months, with the result you see in the photo. Was the lemon truly lost, or did it purposely commit this act of selfless artistry in order to prove a point? We’ll never know. But we can still appreciate the brilliance of this citrus swami in pointing out, through art, that we are ALL slowly burning.

Nityananda Lemonzest.

—o0o—

I am happy to see that I am not alone in the world when it comes to culinary endeavors that have experienced, for a lack of a better term, a metamorphosis. I was also thrilled to see the art that arises from utensil neglect. I have a cutting board that is permanently etched with the impression of a burner ring. Of course, it is a limited edition …

Just to let you know that art exists which unintentionally mimics burnt food: In the shoe department of our department store there used to be “blackened” wall sculptures that my daughter said were very reminiscent of my cooking.

Your site is too much fun! I would love to contribute some artifacts, let me know. (J in Michigan – 3/30/03) (However, don’t ask me to relive the goldfish bowl on the stove experience)

[Editor’s note: but of course I had to ask]

Several years ago my daughter had two goldfish, Christian and Dior, aptly named for our favorite pastime, shopping and fashion. For some reason I put the fishbowl on top of the stove. You have to understand that most of the time my stove is off, and virtually unused. There is no grease in my kitchen, grease would mean that I had cooked something.

I usually moved the fish when I turned on the burners, which was mostly to boil water. On this occasion I turned on the oven instead, but forgot to move the fish … Sad to say we had “bouillabaisse,” by the time I returned. Poor fishies … I felt horrible, being an animal lover. I still don’t know why I chose to put them on the stove. Maybe they did not coordinate with the colors in my living room, who knows. (J. in Michigan – 4/1/03)

—o0o—

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Why Sure, You Can Bake Quiche in the Microwave!

Artist: Deborah Henson-Conant

Curator’s Notes:

Ever misread the cooking time on a recipe? Ever try to keep dinner warm for a date who is more than an little bit late? Ever start using a new appliance before you’ve studied the manual?

When the above conditions are in perfect alignment, a masterpiece like “Why, Sure You Can Bake Quiche in a Microwave” may emerge. Just that very alignment occurred in the summer of 1988 when “WSYCBQIAM” was created.

One of the few exhibits in the Museum that does not fit in the “Food Noir”category, “The Quiche” (as it is fondly called) adds a splash of lightness to the otherwise dark exhibit hall

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Tiny Muffins

Artist: Deborah Henson-Conant

Curator’s Notes: 

These tiny muffins are actually vegan brownies. We list the author as “unknown” because, frankly I don’t remember whether I* created them or not. While some may consider a ‘misremembering’ of this magnitude to suggest some deterioration of memory, I point to it as a life-long and happy trait, since without it, the BFM would never have existed. With all humility I admit to a precocious ability in this department, though, luckily, age has magnified it.

While this exhibit may seem incongruous (“Do they really look burnt, after all?”), I submit it as a reminder that the soul of burnt-food exists within even the least-burnt-looking of life’s culinary gems.

*”I” being me, the curator & primary contributor (visual aid of ‘me’)

 

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Well, It’s Done

A Lemon Spontaneously Combusts

Artist: Susan Schlesinger
Donated by: Stan Maciejewski (Susan’s Father)

Donor’s answers to BFM Submission Questions:

1. Title: “Well, it’s done”

2. Artist: Susan Schlesinger

3. Donor: Stan Maciejewski Susan’s father

4. Creation Date: 5/31/2004

5. Location: Susan and her husband Fred recently purchased a new home in Califon, New Jersey. They work on the house and property whenever they can to make the new home more to their liking. I, Stan, and my wife Ellie drive to the house at least once a week to see the progress. This day Sue wanted to host a Memorial Day picnic. I’m glad all the other foods were OK.

6. Original Intention: We were invited to holiday picnic at our daughters new house.

7. Unintended Result: Fred, Sues husband bought a new outdoor gas grill, Sue turned the grill on high to get the coals hot, but got involved in something else and forgot that the grill was on high. When the odor of burning chicken drifted into the pool area she realized what happened. The result… No chicken for the guests, but the two dogs had one of the best meals ever.

8. Anything else: No…

The artist admires her work. A well-deserved moment to reflect and enjoy.

—o0o—

Well, well, I thought I was totally alone in the “gack gack gacking on the phone” and forgot about my stuff on the stove!! I was making shredded boiled beef, for enchiladas. I had a small amount of water, 1# of beef, onions, jalapeno, and spices, in a covered pan on HIGH, and walked outside to call 9 women for a Bunco party… and boiled the HELL out of it!

At least the lid on the pan kept the flames from happening! The whole house was full of smoke… the smell was horrible ….. I just heard about your “Burnt Museum” on Unwrapped… otherwise, I would have sent you the 1″ thick charred meat. Thanks for making me feel like I am not alone burning something! (G.W. – 1/27/03)

—o0o—

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Strader’s Tiny Chicken!

Artist: Strader

Curator’s Notes:

This beautiful exhibit is credited only to “Strader.” Remarkable is the attention to detail, and the fine juxtaposition of “Tiny Chicken” done in full carbon, and the true-to-dining accoutrements. We can only hope that the email “Strader” sent along with this beautiful photo surfaces again in our archives so we can fully credit this remarkable artist at some point in the future.

High Resolution for Press

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The Jeffries Waffles

Artist: The JP Jeffries Family 

Curator’s Notes: 

The original email from the Jeffries tells it all

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Hash-Blacks

Artist: Unknown

Curator’s Notes: No comment

—o0o—

I recently did $10,000 worth of damage to our kitchen making a round of Soy Taquitos (the oil splattered, the smoke alarm didn’t go off!…no one was hurt!). Do you have T-Shirts? (anonymous – 10/3/02) 

—o0o—

“We here at Heritage House Museum feel that there should be a separate exhibit for culinary creations – suitable for the museum – that have been burnt using heritage techniques. Our 1860’s bake oven is more than capable of matching any creation from a standard oven or microwave! If you would like any samples, they appear regularly. Why, just yesterday, we had burnt cookies. Burnt tea biscuits are popular with our visiting senoirs groups. So you can see that there is a rich, and untapped source for your museum. We would love to hear from you, keep up the good work! (The staff at Heritage House Museum,Smiths Falls, Ontario, Canada – 7/23/03)

[Editor’s Note: We used to link to a picture of their kitchen, but it’s not online anymore]

—o0o—

Saw the piece on “Un-wrapped Food”, and loved your creative ideas on
what to do with burned food. I run a senior meal program, and would love to
be able to purchase one of your aprons. (M.B. – 4/28/03)

[No problem! Just click on the ‘store’ link above for aprons, cups, fridge magnets, tote bags, etc.]

 

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Potmelt

Artist: David Silver

Curator’s Notes:

In the words of the artist: This is the result of my attempt to heat some water on a large Garland stove to make soft boiled eggs…    David (Tuesday, June 17, 2003 11:22 PM)

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Black-n-Decker
aka “The Toast Face”

Artist: Muller

Curator’s Notes:  

While it’s hard to believe that every element in this fascinating collage meets the specifications of the BFM (all submissions must be fully aleatoric, ie. chance or accidental), there is little doubt that the warm spirit of the composition fits well with the BFM mission – and we hope that, though it may not be officially sanctioned, it may still bring great enjoyment to museum visitors.

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It Might Have Been Lasagna

Artist: Wyner & Sons Snack Labs: Jonathan & Ben Wyner

Curator’s Notes:

This study in social contrast pits classic BFM Duo-chromia with the cheery red-checked pattern ubiquitous in U.S. establishments to signify “home cooking.” What could better illustrate the paradox of hope and existential angst in today’s snacking climate? Bravo, Snack Labs!

We have a burned pot pie that has been in the oven for over a month… Would you like us to mail it to you? (D. – 7/10/03)

—o0o—

I heard you needed cookies …I got 12 perfectly burnt cookies if you want them (anon. – 1/28/03)

–o0o—

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Well-Done Donut

Artist: Catharine David (Courtesy of the Catharine David Hearthside Project)

Curator’s Notes:

Perfectly rounded, mounted on a pedestal. “Well-done Donut” redefines concepts of maturing womanhood in the 21st Century. The BFM gratefully acknowledges the Catharine David Hearthside Project for their commitment to continued exploration of this timely theme.

Hi-Resolution Version for the Press

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Green Beans Black

Artist: Unknown

Curator’s Notes:  

 No comment.

Hi-Resolution Version for the Press

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Hot Pocket

Artist: C. Carter

Curator’s Notes:

A moving End-of-the-Century image, contrasting the mouthwatering dream of future sustenance with the charred reality of human endeavor — the paradox between perfect potential and heartbreaking reality. Note the date stamp in bottom right-hand corner, a chilling momento mori, signifying “Time” as the emptier of the hot pockets of our lives.

Yet even here, hope is not lost — as evidenced by the pale splash of youthful belief, epitomize in the fresh, untried hotpocket, still encased in its embryonic plastic – and contrasted with the dashed hopes of the fully-realized … actually over-realized experience of the hot-pocket in the real world. Beautiful work, C. Carter!

—o0o—

Sir & Ma’am – I must congratulate you on the presentation of such seminal works as displayed on your website, I only can aspire to producing such definitive pieces.

Whilst I have never had the need to identify myself as an artist and researcher in the field of Carbonized Carbohydrates (my results speak most eloquently for themselves) I feel the general public — and perchance my family — may pay more respect and attention to my endeavours were I to possess a protective garment as described.

Do forward details of their prospective availability at your convenience.Regards (M.) [See the Gift Shop for BFM Aprons]

—o0o—

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Pop Tarts

Artist: Linda Klag

Curator’s Notes:

With its soft focus reminiscent of spaceship-sighting documentation and angular lines, this beautiful, enigmatic image says at once “dashed hopes” and “possible alien invasion.”

Yet, even with such serious themes, “Pop Tarts” resonates with a charming sense of coy playfulness, as the blackened tarts peek coquettishly in synchronized duality from the toaster, as if from the multiple-personalities of a more human tart.

It’s easy to imagine the tarts as two young girls, buckled into their Toaster-Roadster, and racing towards a thrilling and uncertain future – one can easily see the sense of forward motion, from left to right and imagine gossamer scarves trailing madly in their wakes.

The BFM thanks artist Linda Klag for capturing the essence of this timeless duality and sharing it with our visitors — and also for this rare glimpse into the Pop Art world of tarts.

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Exhibit Shelves

These are images from a Private Salon Exhibition at the BFM

Curator’s Notes:  

No comment.

Hi-Resolution Version for the Press

   —o0o—    A Spring Day at the Museum    —o0o—

Below: The Potato Wing

   —o0o—    Museum Staff & Tours    —o0o—

MUSEUM CURATOR:

Deborah Henson-Conant is the curator of (and founder and primary contributor to) the Burnt Food Museum.

ASSISTANT CURATOR:

Beatriz Harley (here seen with one of the BFM Mugs) is assistant curator of the BFM.

OFFICIAL MUSEUM HARPIST:

Katya Herman is the official Royal Burnt Food Museum harpist.

TOURS: The Private BFM Tour “Experience”

The BFM contains some of the greatest original carbonized cullinary artwork in the world.  It’s been featured on the Food Network’s “Unwrapped,” NPR’s “Weekend Edition” and “Splendid Table,” ABC’s “The View” and countless blogs and programs worldwide.

Now YOU can visit this intimate museum in a private tour experience with BFM founder and curator, Deborah Henson-Conant, herself as your guide. Invite up to nine companions to join you for this interactive theatrical tour experience that combines an engaging mix of character, observation, humor, discussion and performance-art — all inspired by the cullinary and philosophial complexities of the Burnt Food Museum’s exhibits.

The Curator will greet you, guide you through the museum, providing a personal history of each piece and presenting a brief dramatic reading of testimonials from BFM contributing artists. You’ll see dozens of original BFM exhibits first-hand, including the seminal “Free Standing Hot Apple Cider” … and upon request, the curator may even play you a tune on her harp.

The Burnt Food Museum is a private museum, and open exclusively for private events. A Private Museum Tour Experience is a 90-minute interactive event for up to 9 guests ($3500). If you have a larger group, let us know the size – and we’ll let you know what’s possible.

To arrange a Private Museum Tour Experience, email the curator at the email address above, and let us know what dates/times you’re interested in and the size of your group.

MUSEUM HISTORY:

The museum was founded in the late 1980’s one night when Deborah put on a small pot of Hot Apple Cider to heat, then received an unexpected . . . fascinating . . . and very long phone call. By the time Deborah returned to the kitchen, the Cider had become a “Cinder” and thus the first, and perhaps still the most impressive, exhibit: “Free Standing Hot Apple Cider” was born.

SINCE THEN, countless other works have entered the museum, such as “Thrice Baked Potato,” “Why Sure, You Can Bake Quiche in the Microwave,” the indestructible “Mmmm……Soy Pups,” and the lovely matching set of Pizza Toast.

DOCUMENTATION: The museum, its curator and it’s educational display “Before and After: Toast” were the cover story for the Jan/Feb 1992 “Journal of Irreproducible Results;” the Museum has been toured by the hosts of NPR’s Weekend Edition, Morning Edition, and featured on NPR’s “The Splendid Table.” In 2002, a televised tour of the museum featured on the Food Network’s “Unwrapped”

Please remember the Museum’s Motto: “To Cook the Museum Way — `always leave the flame on low . . . and then take a long nap.”

HOT TIP: Never scrimp on fire extinguishers and smoke alarms. They are decorative, colorful and lend a cozy, warm atmosphere to any kitchen . .

START YOUR OWN BURNT FOOD MUSEUM FRANCHISE!!!

How many times have you ‘ruined’ a batch of chocolate chip cookies or a romantic dinner for two?

Turn those culinary ‘failures’ (that, if ‘succesful’ would have been gone forever after a single meal) into LIFELONG TREASURES for you and your famiy to enjoy!

That’s right – you, too, could have a wing of the Burnt Food Museum in your very own home! Set aside a special shelf in your own kitchen for those surprising and wonderful objects of art that YOU created without even trying!

Submit your works via our “Burnt Food Museum: Artwork Submission Form (pdf)

Then surprise & delight your friends! Wear your “Museum Of Burnt Food Field Research Team” apron while you display your culinary artwork (Aprons and other BFM delights available at our online Museum Souvenir Shop).

And for girl scouts and boy scouts. . . join our efforts to lobby the Scout Council to include a “Burnt Beyond Perfection” badge!

 

   —o0o—    Gift Shop   —o0o—

Purchase Official “Burnt Food Museum” Mugs, T-Shirts, Magnets, Tote Bags, Aprons and other cool stuff are all at our Souvenir Shop.

   —o0o—    In the Media  —o0o—

This section is coming soon … but probably not as soon as we think.

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