Now that I’m dating … or at least visiting a couple dating apps daily, I have a whole new area of discomfort to enjoy in my life.
Today I shared my dating photos with a new member of my team, Nyx.
In the interest of making myself even more uncomfortable, we recorded it to share with you.
And here’s why: I always want to share things in my ezine for people who DON’T play the harp, as well as for harpists, so as Nyx and I were talking about that, they asked, “Well, what else is going on in your life” and I said “Dating … or not actually dating. But I’d be embarrassed to share that.”
All the more reason to share it. Because if I only share the parts of me I think are good enough, if I only share what I’m not embarrassed about, if I only share what I think LOOKS good … I’m not sharing my full self. I’m hiding essential parts of who I really am.
And I’m committed to not hiding. My motto – from Jerzy Grotowski – is “Don’t do more. Hide less.” The motto of my harp academy is “connection – not perfection.”
So in the spirit of imperfectly hiding less – and the goal of getting comfortable with feeling uncomfortable, I present to you…
My Dating Profile Photos:
The good, the bad and the completely ridiculous:
What are you scared to share about yourself?
i enjoyed this very much. in social media world we all are producing our own show all the time. that being said, i don’t go on social media at all! i hope you just meet somebody cute at the grocery who asks you for a coffee. there should be a professional musicians dating website, don’t you think? is there one?
Haha! I’ll put that on the shopping list, Mary! I’m so glad you enjoyed it.
Yes, I agree. Do your shopping, go for walks, hopefully soon to small events. The old-fashioned way when you can look other people in the eye and enjoy your fellow human beings without expecting.
I loved the first one, the purple tinged hair full face one, and the diamond earring/harp ohotos because it shows off your beautiful eyes and smile – and they really are beautiful! You are very brave, and fabulous, and Ihope that very soon you will connect with the One who is also fabulous, and searching just as hard for someone like YOU! Good luck!
I enjoyed watching your photos a lot!
I liked the first and the third best and really love the rabbit hat because it show a bit of your lovely craziness that I really like!
I also LOVE your unstyled hair, but the author picture also shows an importand part of your personality, the philosophic part.
The Body picture with the harp and the boots for me is almost masculine and agressive, I wouldn‘t use that one because it isthe one that shows more your performance personality, not the vulnerable, soft, funny, thoughful and gentle sides that I already had the honour of meeting.
I don’t know which is more brave, going on the dating sites, or sharing the pictures and the discussion on this.
I think that you are so “out there” that you definitely need to have the rabbit picture, because you don’t want to end up with some boring guy who doesn’t want to be embarrassed by possibly outrageous behavior. Of course, the rabbit hat could lead to potential dates who are seriously into cosplay, and open another new world for you.
All those photos look very very beautiful. Very sweet, natural, and interesting. Iam sure many people would love to go on a date with you.
Full disclosure: I met my husband on a dating site. After years and years of searching without any success, he was one of only 2 people who every made the first contact. Ugh… I used to feel like such a loser for always being the one who reached out. Maybe that was one of the reasons we were such a good fit; without knowing what he was doing, he affirmed me as an interesting, likeable, lovable person by making that first contact. That one spark started such an amazing reaction!
That being said, I think human beings are very difficult to capture in photos, and yet we judge so much by appearances — even those of us who actively try NOT to do that. I think the best photos of *anyone* are candid photos — ones that capture the depth of their persona in ways that are difficult to articulate with adjectives. For example, a photo of a friend in the midst of a genuine laugh is often more beautiful than their flashiest smile in a posed photo.
If you want to catch the eye of a prospective date, try to be as much yourself in the photos as you can while also incorporating that spontaneity that’s such a part of who you are. (For the record, I think the rabbit hat is a keeper because it demonstrates how animated you are!) It never hurts to have as many photos as allowed in your profile, too — show all those angles and sides of yourself!
Something I learned after losing 85 pounds many years ago: you can drop 10 pants sizes , have to replace your entire wardrobe, and even your old friends may do a double-take when they see you, but it takes a *long time* for you to see in yourself what the rest of the world sees. Sometimes I still see myself as the fat guy, and my mind tries to tell me that’s what everyone else sees. Learning to silence the negative self talk and just be my authentic self is a daily journey. When you talked about your worries about your nose or your legs, it reminded me that we’re all on that journey.
In the end, the right person is going to see your photos and the best in both of you will find one another. It’s great that you’re taking this brave step to get out there. <3
So beautiful, J.T.: “You can drop 10 pants sizes , have to replace your entire wardrobe, and even your old friends may do a double-take when they see you, but it takes a *long time* for you to see in yourself what the rest of the world sees.”
Being a cowgirl in the sand, I really would want a man with the physique of a healthy hard working cowboy… think Robert Redford in the horse whisperer!
I find you beautiful just the way you are, yet get the critical self we all beat ourselves with daily! Time to lay that down! I am intrigued with online dating, but way to scared to open up my life to the possibility of a Glenn close in the movie w Michael Douglas where she cooks his kids’ rabbit! Guess I could have said stalker! I’m so proud of you! Why a dating judgement group??!! Go with you, I like your hair however it is, should be wild and free, like me!
I love your choices, and I also like the cowboy shot. The rabbit hat is worth another try; the current pic makes you look a little bit manic. And I prefer the ungelled hair. I think you have to present the real you, not what you guess someone might want to see. Thanks so much for sharing these, good luck and keep us posted!