There are secret things I only share with myself or people close to me.  Or I sneak them in somewhere and don’t acknowledge that I’m sharing them.

I have secret songs no one has heard, secret drawings, secret poems and thoughts.  And what would happen if I shared them?  Would it demean them?  Would I lose my personal connection to them?

This is my martini-glass guy.  He flowed out of my pencil  Jan. 17, 2009.  In the glass is exactly what I need at any moment.  When I drink it I am filled with the power of my own desire.

martini-guy_wwiw_090117_wDHC

One thing I do is share with myself my fears and hopes about things I do or am scared to do, so here are my fears and hopes about sharing Martini-Guy.

  • A fear I have about sharing martini-glass guy is that I will lose my deep personal exclusive relationship him if I share him with others
  • A fear I have about sharing martini-glass guy is that someone will steal him – though I have no idea how that might happen
  • A fear I have about sharing martini-glass guy is that sharing him will open my mind to thoughts about whether my drawings are ‘good’ or ‘bad’ or what I should ‘do’ with them – when my drawings are a secret joy for me and that joy is deeply important to me
  • martini-guy-head-recolored-roundA fear I have about sharing martini-glass guy is that I won’t know what blog category to list him under and I’ll categorize him wrong
  • A fear I have about sharing martini-glass guy is that someone will write and say “Hey, you already shared martini-glass guy five years ago on Facebook! What’s with this ‘secret’ thing? Don’t you remember what you do????”
  • A fear I have about sharing my fears and hopes about martini-glass guy is people will say “Why did you add all those fears and hopes?  You ruined the power of the post.”
  • A fear I have about sharing my fears and hopes about martini-glass guy is that people will say, “Wow, you sure have a lot more fears than you have hopes. No wonder you’re screwed up.”
  • A fear I have about sharing my fears and hopes is that someone will comment that I shouldn’t be afraid, which implies there’s something wrong about having fears – and the fact is I do have them
  • A hope I have about sharing my fears and hopes is that someone will comment that they have these fears and hopes, too, and they loved seeing them written out
  • A fear I have about sharing the martini-guy is that people may think I love martinis and expect me to want to drink them in social situations
  • A fear I have about sharing the martini-guy is that people may think I love martini-glasses and give me beautiful, delicate martini glasses as presents when I’m on tour and I will have to figure out how to get them home and they will break
  • A hope I have about sharing martini-glass guy is that my relationship with him will grow in ways I can’t imagine
  • A hope I have about sharing martini-glass guy is that he will serve to others exactly what they need in that glass – and maybe they’ll tell me what it was they were able to drink from that glass and what it gave them the power to share
  • A hope I have about sharing martini-glass guy is that I’ll get more comfortable sharing
  • A hope I have about sharing my hopes and fears is that I will see the fears I have as simply fears I have – not truths – and I will know they’re just as important to acknowledge as the hope.  I think they might be the olive.martini-guy-glass-round-warm
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